If architecture was evolving like QB games...

Everyone with a new hammer would build themselves a shack and call it a revolutionary new design concept.

Entire cities would be directly connected to one power station. The wires would just know where to "GOSUB".

The only way to gain access to your house would be to ring the bell and spread your legs against the door. A slight miscalcuation would instantly transport you to a bomb shelter you didn't know existed.

Your newly installed security system could be cracked by offseting each digit on the keypad by one number.

An incessant buzzing sound would echo throughout your house at seemingly random times throughout the day. There is no option to disable such a device.

In order to move from one room to another, you must simultaneously flick the light switch, hold your ear, and lick the wall.

Although you own a big screen TV, you can't seem to get it to display anything at more than about 50% the actual screen size.

Observed from your house, being built for people who obviously live at a faster pace, the sun would take 635 minutes to completely fade away during sunset.

Although quite peculiar, you sometimes swear that the walls are flickering.

Houses are completely free, but no part of them is allowed to be copied.

Your can Opener Service machine, or "OS", would have a screen saver, could be substituted for a text labler, and would have the unique ability to change color on command but would, quite strangely, have no blade for opening cans.

Lower cost housing would be constructed entirely out of ASCII characters.

Housing "installation" would consist of unpacking it on the neighbor's lawn and then examining the blueprints to build an identical model on your lot.

For some reason, only the lights immediately around you seem to ever work. Thus, your maximum visual range is about 3 feet, even in broad daylight.

Plants purchased for your lawn would not survive because the root configuration only works for the soil at the plant nursery.

Real Estate vendors would be under constant prosecution for false advertising.

The only way to continue breathing whilst inside a home would be to think in a purely UPPERCASE manner.

Although you fear your house is overrun by a population of mice, you've never actually seen one.

Occasionally, "joke" homes are created to imitate the days when man lived in caves, also known as Dark Old Substitutes, or DOS.

Movie theaters would not have brightly lit "EXIT" signs; in fact, there would be no visible means of escape at all.

The "Wrath" of an angry construction worker consists of him playing the same note over and over again on an FM synthesizer.

Whenever you got too close to any object in your house, you would suddenly be teleported outside the front door with an "OVERFLOW ERROR".

Security systems would consist of three keys: NUM LOCK, CAPS LOCK, & SCROLL LOCK; only the correct combination would allow you to enter.


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Copyright 2000 by Timothy D. Mowrer for Secret Weapon Software.