New evidence stays execution
of Marcade by MagnaUnum
The Governor of NeoZones granted a
stay of execution to convicted murderer and child molestor Marcade on
thursday. The stay came in light of new evidence that suggests Marcade may
not have been involved in the alleged crimes at all, which include
slaughtering all 17 of Tek's illegitimate children and shaving
Chaoticmass's ass with a shard of broken glass. DNA evidence unveiled
during the criminal proceedings implied that Marcade worked alone,
however, Marcade's family attorney and personal proctologist, The Car,
came forth early thursday morning with new evidence suggesting that these
unspeakable acts may have in fact been committed by a genetically enhanced
clone of Marcade created by the masterminds at qbasic.net. A brief
reexamination of the DNA evidence does not refute this claim, as it
appears the blood found at the gruesome ass-shorning crime scene contains
a certain allele on the 20th chromosome known as the "normal-to-long
penis" gene. Geno and Phenotype profiling of the real Marcade has shown
him to have neither the gene nor it's handsome side effects. The
execution, originally set to occur today by means of lethal probing, was
stayed for a term of 30 days to allow the defense to present the new
evidence in court and district attorney Alex Varanese to rebuild his case
against Marcade. Charges against qbasic.net and/or the alleged clone are
pending Marcade's acquittal.(AP) |